I read this absolutely beautiful post called “Marriage Isn’t For You” by Seth Adam Smith yesterday and his words sent my mind into a thinking attack.
He talked about how you don’t love someone for yourself and you don’t marry someone for you, you do it for the one you love. You marry someone for them not for you. You do it because you choose to make them laugh each and every day and choose to work through challenges thrown in your direction. You want to give that person happiness and so you’ll fight through.
It was truly beautiful.
So I thought to myself, when I loved, was it for me? Did I choose love?
I know that you can’t help but feel sparks with certain people out there and you may not help yourself from being attracted to that person.
A few months down the road, maybe you start dating and you dive into the honeymoon phase where bliss is never ending and he or she feels like the most perfect person you could have imagined coming into your life.
They’re not perfect. You’ll figure that out. Once that honeymoon period fades… and it will, you will feel as confused as a llama standing in Times Square. You feel different, you’re not sure if this person is right for you, you question every part of your relationship, you wonder if this person could be the one you’re sitting with on a porch swing 65 years down the road.
It’s hard to know if what you’re feeling is normal or not.
This is when you can make the choice to love. That initial attraction and insane whirl wind romance has faded and what is left? For some people, it’s not enough. Or it doesn’t feel normal. Or maybe it’s just really scary and overwhelming when the fireworks show has ended. Are you going to leave alone or with someone?
It’s not easy.
But I’ve been in this position. I went through every single emotion and question in my mind and searched the corners of the universe to figure out if this was normal thinking and I figured it out. I chose love. I look at the words Seth Adam Smith typed and I think “yes, I loved for him, not for myself.” I didn’t know it at the time but I loved to make him happy and I poured my love into what we had.
That is a choice that I will never regret.
Was he perfect for me? No, of course not. No one is. But we had something my 21 years of living could not describe and I knew that I would not give up on what I knew the future could be. Every single couple goes through this transition and it’s a choice if you want to love anymore.
The scariest part about choosing love, is if it’s not chosen by the one you love.
Sometimes, people aren’t strong enough to make it through that decision and they can’t think about it anymore so they choose themselves. That’s okay. Maybe it was the right decision and you’re setting up both sides of the relationship for an even better love down the road. Or maybe you just lost the love of your life (Devil’s Advocate).
But let me tell this to the people of the universe, if you EVER feel like you may have screwed up with love, don’t you ever be afraid to fix it. You won’t be able to tell until enough time has passed but make sure you feel confident in your decision.
To the other people of the universe, if someone HAS NOT chosen to love you, don’t you dare wait around for them. You need to choose someone to love that is going to choose you back. We all deserve that much.
Because we all deserve to choose our love.
From the hopeless romantic to her readers, choose love. If it’s right, if it’s good, if that person is your best friend, please just choose love and don’t you dare let that person go.
Until Next Time,