Dear Troubled Mind,
I know what you’re going through isn’t easy. I know that every day is a constant battle to choose to do things that will make you happy or to curl up and cry. Every morning you wake up and wait to see if you can feel a good or bad day coming and you’re nervous to succumb to the anxious dreams you’ve been living in every night.
You’re terrified of being left alone because you don’t think you are strong enough to stand without hands holding you up. Yet, you’re sick of everyone tip toeing around subjects and jokes that only make you think of everything you’re trying to ignore.
I know that you can’t stop the pain from hitting you just as hard as it did the first time and that you’re sick of waiting for enough time to pass to make things alright.
I felt this way. Some days, I still feel this way. So from me… to you… I’m going to tell you what you need to hear.
You are strong. Not because you have moved along or have forgotten, but because you have felt every single ounce of pain that has been with you and you are learning to live with it.
Time doesn’t fix all wounds, it allows us to learn how to deal with the missing piece we thought we needed to survive. It allows us to understand how to handle the pain of whatever change we feel destroyed us. Every day, the pain doesn’t go away, we just learn how to embrace it and how to push forward even with new scars.
That is why you are strong. You have cracks and burns in your heart but it still beats. You still smile and laugh because no one can take that from you.
Whatever event changed you… whether it was a betrayal, a break up, a death or anything else, know that the person who caused this much pain didn’t get off too easy themselves. Don’t hate them. Don’t resent them for what happened. They have made you into the person you are supposed to be and maybe their time in aiding your future is up.
Forgive. Forgive whatever has happened and forgive yourself. You don’t need to let go of a person because in all honesty, a part of us will truly never let go of something we love, but accept that you cannot change the past. Let go of the control you no longer have and embrace what is yet to come.
Let go of the blame you place on yourself or another person and let go of the idea that a grand gesture will come along. Let go of the memories but still appreciate them. Let go of what you had and look forward to what could be. A door closes only to have a few windows creak open.
Understand the beauty and happiness that you deserve. You are so much more than a face or a body. You have a soul that can shine light through the darkest of nights. You have love that can leave someone speechless and kindness that spreads like wildfire.
Right now, stop thinking of ways to put others before yourself. Stop thinking of ways to apologize, react, conversations, plots that might change the outcome of what has happened.
Start thinking of yourself. Choose YOU. If you’re terrified to be alone, that is a huge cry that you are exactly who you need right now. You need to find comfort in yourself. You have to love yourself to heal the cuts that are deep in your heart. No one can say something that is going to magically reset your happiness. You have to fight to get that back, no matter how unfair it seems.
Every single day when you wake up, you need to push forward. Don’t let yourself wallow on the couch or lay in bed all day. Do something about your pain.
Smother the pain with self-love. Love yourself by doing what makes you happy and for enjoying your own company.
No one can heal you like you can. Look at yourself in the mirror and have a conversation explaining why you deserve joy and appreciation. Then give it to yourself. Appreciate who you are and why you are an amazing soul.
Keep fighting. Maybe you fought hard for someone else and they gave up and now you don’t know why you put so much effort into something that failed. Well, keep fighting. Not for them anymore, but for yourself. Don’t give up now. You fought to be happy with someone/something else and now you must fight to be happy all by yourself.
Love deeper than anything you’ve ever felt before. Love is pain’s antibiotic. Love with each cell in your body and give it your all. Your friends, your family, your significant other or even your dog. Pour love into others and you’ll find that the ones who truly care will give you just as much love back.
Push forward, choose to love yourself and you WILL find happiness.
Until next time,