Sometimes we get stuck. We get put in this place where moving forward is our only option but our environment won’t allow for it until certain things are taken care of. Our minds go into overdrive and our emotions lay bare. Our hearts pump blood a little faster and our hope spreads thin.
I was there. I was in this place where I wanted more than anything in the world to move forward and I was continuously dragged back into this dark place.
Germany was my haven.
The first two weeks here, I saw so many new things and took part in all of these common traditions and I started to forget the darkness I left. I felt alive.
A few days into my trip I started to wonder why I was keeping attachments to people and things that hurt me and so I did what any sane woman who was trying to move forward would do, I completely detached them from every aspect of my life. I did it for me so I could move forward and stop the thoughts from pouring in every time I saw their name.
It wasn’t until I realized my trip was half way over that I realized I hadn’t thought about anything happening back home for a few days now. A topic that shadowed my thoughts for months hadn’t even crossed my mind for a few seconds in the past few days.
Once again, travel was healing me.
When I sat in bed thinking of how incredible this moment was, tears filled my eyes. I saw myself and I recognized someone who looked like me but felt different. I felt stronger, passionate and more than anything, loved. I was surrounded by new friends and an amazing family and the love I felt was more genuine than anything I’ve known.
I laughed because I recognized someone who had made it through what I thought was impossible. The worst is over, now I can promise happiness to myself.
There is nothing more beautiful than realizing you made it through the worst part of a pitfall in your life.
I used to reflect so much on this past summer and I haven’t done that for weeks now. I haven’t questioned, wondered or regretted anything. I haven’t relapsed or broken down and I don’t see that part of my life as I used to. I’m not blinded by emotion anymore and I see everything a lot more clear.
It’s crazy what happens to you when you are so close to a situation. Germany gave me the time to see that what happened to me was not a punishment in any way. It was a blessing in disguise in order for me to become who I want and go where I believe I deserve to go. It showed me how much love I need to come from myself so I can stop feeling the pain I had been in.
It only took the Atlantic Ocean and a different continent for me to finally feel like the storm is at it’s end. And once again, travel has healed me.