This post was inspired by the beautiful article from Elite Daily and the link can be found in the P.S. at the bottom of the post.
Just thinking of words to say makes me feel like I’m mustering up a kind of energy I can barely spare. I’m not just the kind of tired that drags your eyelids closed and whisks you into sleepland.
I’m tired, in all honesty, in every single form. My brain cannot process the knowledge I need to learn. My emotions are so exhausted from being in overdrive that sometimes I can barely feel anything at all. I’m physically drained from sleepless nights that are consumed by racing thoughts that won’t let me sink into the pillow quite as much as I crave.
So when I read the a fore mentioned article, I had the most confusing sense of understanding. Oh, I thought, I am not weak, I’m tired. Every word was applauded by the beating of my heart and each sentence whispered straight to my soul.
The state of tired I’m in is because of the most difficult changes I have been putting myself through. If I’m tired, it’s because I’m moving. Maybe not as fast as I’d like to, but even a glacial crawl is putting me closer to where I want to be.
And everything made sense to me.
I’m exhausted because I’m transforming. I’m making new routines, trying new things and exploring new dreams. I am creating a new me and it is an extremely overwhelming amount of effort.
My patience is thin and my hope is at an all time low and it wasn’t until last night that I looked at myself in the mirror and asked my reflection “Do you see how far you’ve come?”
Because I hadn’t until that moment.
I hadn’t realized the thousands of miles I have trekked or the wounds that I’ve been tending to. I didn’t realize the fight I have been unconsciously participating in every day or the power behind my footsteps. I am truly transforming.
Transforming yourself isn’t easy my friends and it sure as hell doesn’t happen in one day. But one day I woke up and realized that I could be anyone I wanted to be and I realized how important my choices were. So I began a new journey.
So, I’m tired. I’m tired of battling to be this person but I am so unbelievably proud of myself for the challenges I’ve willingly faced to turn into someone I can give self-love to.
It’s okay to be tired, as long as you keep fighting.
Growing is never easy but that’s why only the strongest people survive.