This Is How You’re Going To Love Me

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This is how you’re going to love me.

You’re going to fall right in.

You’re going to realize immediately that I care really fast and all at once.

I’ve tried being the aloof, mysterious girl you’ll have to chase.

But I’m not.

You’re going to appreciate that.

You’re going to love that I never played games with you- that I never made your mind reel and question what I want.

You’re going to be scared by how open I am, it’s going to all feel like too much.

But you’ll know pretty quickly how rare it is to find someone as vulnerable yet strong as I am.

I’m going to ask you hard questions, push you to open up, say things that catch you off guard and lay it all out on the line.

You’ll be ready to handle that.

You will answer every question with thought and tell me stories until 3 am when our eyes are shutting against our will.

You will be strong enough to know what I’m offering and handle every piece of my heart with care.

You will know exactly what you’re giving to me and trust me not to give up on you.

You’re going to learn about me.

Why trust doesn’t come easy to me, what I’m scared of, what I’ve struggled through… it will make you understand why I became this version of myself.

You’re going to tell me how you’ve become the person you are.

We are going to want to know everything about each other.

We are going to ask questions.

You’re going to laugh as hard as I do about the silly things and fight for your beliefs and values.

You’re going to show kindness to everyone around you and unknowingly make me a better person.

Being around me is going to do the same.

We will empower each other, support each other and laugh with each other.

You’re going to get mad at me but you won’t leave, you’ll be the first person to stay.

Because differences will happen but we both will choose to work through them.

You’ll stay because you’ll choose to love me through the hardest parts of life and dance with me through the highlight reel of life.

You’ll become my best friend and my number one fan.

You’re going to love the simplicity of being together.

You will look at me with that “she’s the one I choose” look and it will give me butterflies.

You will find that I give too much, dream really big and love deeper than you’ve ever experienced.

You’re not going to hold back.

And the idea of love is not going to scare you after a while- maybe it will seem like a lot at first- but no, you’re going to see me standing before you and you’re going to know that if there is one place you will be for the rest of your life, it will be by my side.

I can’t wait to be by yours.

Until tomorrow,

Anna Marie

 

 

Screw Technology

This is what pain feels like. 

Pain is feeling completely isolated when surrounded by a group of people who barely look up.

Pain is your courage to finally share a story to a room of people looking down at their cellphones, unable to so much as glance in your direction to hear about your vivid excitement or obvious distress.

Pain is not a single person in the room looking up to make eye contact with you, just solemn “mhms” and nods that are part of a performance- of how they should be reacting to make you feel “important”.

Pain is when someone finally looks you in the eye, you breathe a sigh of relief and gratitude because you are finally being heard, until you catch their thumbs moving automatically… not even needing sight to be imprisoned by a screen.

Pain is getting to the rising action and recognizing that not a single person is looking at you.

Pain is stopping mid-sentence in complete defeat, only to feel unworthy when no one realizes you’ve ended your attempt at conversation.

Pain is having this happen to you over and over again.

When was the last time you were truly WITH someone? When was the last time you turned your phone off so you could drink in every syllable of someone who trusts you to take an interest in their life?

Can you comprehend the utterly gut wrenching pain that shoots throughout someone when you look at your phone in the middle of a conversation?

Do you know how awful it feels to think you don’t matter because a text, a Facebook notification, a like is more important then the time someone is spending with you?

It’s ridiculous.

If you care about someone, prove it. Give them your undivided attention. Ask them questions, engage with them, ask them how their day is.

How often do we actually get asked how our days are that isn’t just a subtle formality? 

How often does someone actually care about how our days went?

No one deserves to feel like this.

Put your phone down and show someone you care.

Put your phone down and save the relationships you haven’t already damaged.

Put your phone down and respect someone’s time with you.

Just put your damn phone down. 

Until tomorrow,

Anna Marie

 

 

 

Are We There Yet?

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We all want to “find ourselves” or “create ourselves”. Well, are you there yet? 

Who I am is a bi-product of all of you.

Your compliments, your support, your insults.

Your presence has pushed me down, pushed me over, pushed me skyward.

Who I am is a reflection of how I chose to react to all of you.

Whether to fight with nasty words or bite my tongue, flip tables or sit at one calmly, let rage burn me down or fuel build me higher.

I am a direct correlation of responses to all of YOU.

To love fiercely as I have been loved, help a hand in need as I have been helped, pass on the kindness that has been given to me.

We can learn much easier and much quicker by following the examples of those around us… of you. 

You want to know what you created?

This is who I am.

I am fiercely passionate about people.

I care vastly and deeply, sometimes quite overwhelmingly so.

I laugh frequently and uninhibitedly, scaring the pain right out of my system.

I have become stronger than I can recognize through let down after let down and rejection slapping me in the face.

I’ve been brought down to me knees to realize that I can always stand back up.

My favorite feeling in the world is sunshine kissing my skin and the ocean sand squishing between my toes.

I long for adventure through mountain tops and exploring country after country. And I’ll do it, too.

I’m undeniably comfortable with the person I’ve become and overwhelmingly excited for the woman I intend to create.

Pride is hard work and deep breaths.

Humbleness is never forgetting the struggles you’ve chosen to fight through to get you where you are.

Ambition is recognizing the struggles you will have to face to accomplish the life you want so badly to live.

The life you are living right now.

Are we there yet?

Until next time,

Anna Marie

 

 

For The Ones Who Can’t Control It

ameDon’t you always just want a little more zest or a little less fear?

I was talking with my childhood best friend about how we both need to borrow a few qualities from one another. I tend to be the gal who’s feelings never ask my permission to start growing and developing and she tends to be the one who runs at any sign of attachment.

“I wish I could feel as much and as quickly as you do, it’s brave.”

“I wish I could think through people and reality before deciding the best way to go forward with someone.”

We all have our vices, we all have our strengths.

 

And I often care much too quickly and far too much.

I can’t help it. 

I can meet a stranger in a line to get our coffee and hear all about their awful day, go home and think for hours about how they are hopefully turning their night around.

I am an avid lover of stories and when people trust me with one of their tales, I instantly want to help, encourage or push them.

It’s truly an uncontrollable urge for me to get involved with every single person I meet. (Unless you’re really that awful.)

So when it comes to falling for someone in the romantic setting, I intimidate myself.

I didn’t choose the waterfall of emotions life, it chose me. 😉

Below I wrote a string of words about how falling feels for the ones who can’t control it.

I Fall. 

With the same inhibitions of a violent rainstorm, I’ll fall.

And if I fall, know that it was not my confidence that lead to every thought and feeling pouring out of me.

Know that I fell without knowledge, with subtle reluctance, with weary prayers and hope that I’ve clung to for years.

Know that I can’t help but fall for kind words and sweet memories and good mornings filled with laughter.

Know that I fall hard and quick, never pausing to recognize the fear my heart pumps through my veins or the caution my brain is trying to engage in.

With the same control of a raging river, I’ll fall.

Until next time,

Anna Marie 🙂