A Mess of Words Smashed Together To Describe Who I Am

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I’m a whirlwind of adaptation and determination. My mind clocks 100 mph thoughts while my legs struggle to run 1/10th of that pace. Sleep doesn’t stand a chance against the intensity of my creativity and I toss and turn with dreams of blank faces I have yet to meet.

I easily lose sight of myself in others. My broken dreams spring hopeful prayers and my heart is not one to pass the chance of wishing on a shooting star.

My eyes can be useless to the intensity of my focus.

My brain is considered smart while my decisions can reflect the opposite. Oh, but I learn with grace and passion what it is to turn a mistake into a lesson.

My heart swells easily and beats love. I fall quickly and shamelessly into a whirlwind of laughter and trust. My excitement explodes freely and the love I give is raw and untouchable.

My laugh cracks like sticks turning to coals in a fire while my smile comes and goes in waves. Happiness finds me again and again, teaching me the patience I need to embrace the in-between.

My strength shines through cracks and scars that have been healed by a process of learning self-love.

The aches I feel are from years ago but the person I’ve become thanks the pain for teaching me how to move forward. I have learned the value in letting yourself be broken if only to put yourself back together with stronger glue.

I’ve thrown myself into projects and people that didn’t deserve the effort and I’ve mistreated the ones that did. Perfection is unattainable but it was once a goal before I realized the insanity of it. 

I’ve cared far too deeply or not enough. My inspiration is crazed by photography that speaks words that don’t exist and quotes that tear my soul open and leave me with nothing but a mirror and a magnifying glass.

I’ve become a beautiful monster who creates and cultivates. I’ve become a piece of art that was painted by my own thoughts and experiences.

I am proud of my own creation. Me.

Until tomorrow,

Anna Marie

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Sorry, You’re Never Going to “Find Yourself”

Do you find yourself often thinking or saying to others I just need to find myself or I finally feel like I’m starting to find myself? 

I was having a conversation with one of my biggest inspirations last night and in the midst of talking about life I told her that I feel like this year I finally felt like I was starting to find myself.

She stopped me right there and taught me a very important lesson.

She told me that I am never going to find myself. Here’s why. 

How can you find yourself when every day you change a little more and every year you feel different from the person you were before? You can’t.

By the time you find who you were a year ago, you’re already going to have to look for the person you are today. It’s a never ending chase that you just can’t win.

Let me repeat, you are NEVER going to find yourself. Do you know what you can do though?

You can learn about yourself continuously. You may figure out certain things you need right now and what you want for yourself at this time but honey, that’s going to change as the days go by. You aren’t always going to want the same thing and you aren’t always going to want it as bad as something else.

You’re going to get confused as hell and question everything you have ever done. You’re going to change your mind about the future and wonder what the hell you’re doing. Sometimes everything will fall into place and make a world of sense to you and sometimes nothing will make any sense anymore.

In effort to search so viciously for ourselves, we can actually destroy ourselves. We question the people around us and cut some of them off or push them away. We get so frustrated that we don’t know who we are so we start to think we’re the only ones who don’t have a grip on our life. The consequences? Fear and the gut wrenching feeling of being alone.

It’s not just you, it’s 90% of the population.

So what can you do?

Stop panicking. Just breathe my friend. What are you really stressing out about? Are you scared for the future? Did something happen to make you question yourself? You’re a smart person who may not ever figure it out and that’s okay.

You need to know that you cannot control everything that comes your way. You can’t help a lot of feelings that happen or a lot of incidents that occur in your days. Let go of that aspect of control. Know that if you are constantly trying to control everything around you, you’re going to be way more stressed out than you need to be. Embrace that you can’t know everything and the unknown is going to happen.

Live right now instead of constantly thinking of the future. If you enjoy someone’s presence, hang out with them more. If you know that going on a walk will make you happy today, go for it. Start doing what makes you happy today and make that happiness go towards your future. It all starts with keeping what makes you happy close to your heart.

Learn about yourself daily. Know that you can never fully find yourself when you are constantly going through changes. Instead, learn something about yourself through circumstance, tragedy and happiness. Learn through it all and slowly find out what you want right now so you can start to build an idea of what you want in the future.

Who is surrounding you? They say that the five people you hang out with the most will show you the person you are becoming. Do you like that idea? Love those around you and make sure they will push you to be better.

That’s all I have for today. I hope you found something valuable in these words.

Just remember, you are never going to find yourself when you are searching too hard and changing so much. So do what you love and love everything around you. Hold on to that and your future will play out favorably. 

Until Next Time,

Anna Marie

Who I Am, Who Are You?

I’m a Caucasian female in her twenties. I’m an American red headed middle child . I’m a college student in the Midwest.  Do you think you know me yet? I bet some of you do.

That’s what I’m labeled as. You can make a lot of conclusions from that information but that’s not who I am.

Today, I am going to tell you the top three things that I think you need to know about me in order to understand a vague outline of the person I am. I will do this, in hopes that you will return the favor and tell me three things that make you who you are.

It’s so important to understand ourselves before we can start to grow as a person. We cannot be a better version of ourselves if we don’t know where the starting line is. We also can’t finish the race if we’re struggling for the start line. Understand yourself before you decide if you want to make a change.

SO…

Photography by the lovely Steph!

…who am I?

I am smart. I am strong in academics in school because I crave knowledge. I want to know everything about anything and love to know depth on various subjects. I don’t like to half-ass learning and take advantage of any opportunity to improve any skill I have. I am also smart when it comes to my actions and thinking. Everything I do is usually very deliberate and thought out. I rarely say or do things without thinking it out first unless I am extremely comfortable with someone. I am very observant of others and can usually get a very good picture of a person within the first few times of meeting them.

I am driven. I have strength that I don’t realize can push me to do more than my mind believes. I am strong-willed and determined to reach goals and accomplish tasks. I am always putting my best foot forward in each situation and will give 100% effort at all times. I can be stubborn with this quality but I am always focusing on a goal while enjoying the ride. I can do what I put my mind to.

I am caring. I inherited my mothers big heart. I have a passion for people, stories and those who I can see a part of myself reflected in. I have a need to help those who are struggling and am a good listener to those who need it. I wear my heart on my sleeve because I believe it takes a certain kind of bravery to be open and honest. While sometimes this has hurt me beyond words, I will never regret the connections I have made with others because I opened up myself to them. I have a knack for caring about each and every good person I meet, no matter how long I’ve known them. When I get to know someone, they’ll always have memories in my past that have created the person I am today.

As of today, I feel like these three traits are some of my strongest. I understand the upsides and downsides to each trait I have and in recognizing them, I know where I want to go from here. I want to continue to call myself smart, driven and caring so that others will be able to see the same qualities I see in myself.

Your turn. It doesn’t have to be what everyone else tells you. It doesn’t have to be what you felt yesterday. Right now, what three traits do you feel explain a vague outline of who you are?

Understand yourself so you can better understand others.

Happy Monday!

Until tomorrow,

Anna Marie