Good Morning Beautiful

Good Morning Beautiful,

Are you aware of what you mean to this world? Here you are, just starting another day. In the midst of waking up and you don’t even realize the lives you’ve touched, the knowledge you’ve learned or the accomplishments you have achieved.

It’s early and yet you can’t even begin to understand the impact you have had on those closest to you. You, my love, are a shining star. You are brighter than all of the fireworks in the fourth of July sky. You are lovelier than the reddest of roses. You are as kind as the sun warming our skin and as loved as the holidays.

Today is just another day to you but to those who get to love you one more day? To them, this day is another smile they can cherish, laugh they can join in with and another heart they can open up to. Don’t you recognize your value?

Today is the start of more memories, more connections- another step forward in your beautiful life. You are just waking up and you haven’t yet recognized the potential you have to change your world and those around you. All it takes is one smile to feel better, one laugh to make a connection and one person to change you.

Don’t you see? You already mean the world to so many people. You already have touched the lives of those around you. You already have made a life worth living. Recognize how lucky you are. Would you really want to be someone else?

If you are struggling, let me tell you something. The strength you so badly crave is right inside of you. Whether you have recognized it or not, you have what you need to grow. You don’t need to be fixed, you just need to grow and learn from what ever has happened. That strength is beautiful.

Be exactly who you want to be today. Be a person who would inspire you. Or maybe, just be a little bit better than yesterday.

Good morning beautiful, I hope you have a good day. You deserve it.

Until next time,

Anna Marie

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Depth of Feeling: I’m Letting Go of Poison

I think I’m overly attached to people. I think I feel things really deeply and when I find something good, I will do everything to take care of it because I have experienced a lot of bad. Sometimes I hold on a little too tight and if I need to completely let go, it breaks my heart because once I am close to someone, I will never truly let go without the memories surfacing once in a while. My depth of feelception (new word) is extremely massive and I’ve come to realize while it can be really beautiful, I really don’t like it sometimes.

Have you ever struggled with this? Feeling too much? Is that even a thing, because it sounds ridiculous. It’s accurate for me though, I have these moments where I feel things far too much. I’ll give you an example. I had a really good friend my freshman year of college. We got really close and had these heart to hearts that made us bond over a lot of similar experiences and trust each other.

Long story short, we had a falling out.

This is when I realized my super hero powers did not work on friendship. I tried keeping in contact with that one good friend I had, invited her to meet up to no prevail. I said that if she told me the time and place, I’d be there because I wanted to fix our friendship. She said she would text me asap. She didn’t.

And after all that trying, I stopped. I felt really hurt by it.

I still feel that stab of pain. This happened months ago and it still makes me feel betrayed when she pops up in my world. To me, losing a friend that was really close to me is like having a piece of yourself break off. I trusted her with a lot of my life stories and put a lot of time into building a friendship with her and when something like that isn’t reciprocated, it hurts. It sounds like we broke up, which I guess, we kind of did.

In other words, I felt this way deeper than a lot of people I know would have.

They would have been like, fine, I don’t care and I will get a new friend who values me. Of course, I knew I didn’t need a friend who wasn’t interested in being a part of my life anymore but it sure made me feel like I wasn’t all that special or important. Looking back, that’s not what I should have been feeling.

I have learned so much about myself and one thing that really surfaced was how insecure I was in a lot of my relationships. I usually think that when something goes wrong, it’s because of me. It’s because I’m not good enough or special enough or worth enough time to be a part of someone’s life. That’s really hard to say because it is really a summary of how I have felt through way too many relationships I have or have had in my life.

It’s almost embarrassing to say that this is how I have worked for the past 20 years and I didn’t even know it was one of my downfalls until a few days ago.

It’s really frustrating when I take a look back at these times because that’s not something I want to continue to feel about myself and it will only cause more insecurity in the future.

Since I have recognized this, I have started to give myself a lot of pep talks. Something along the lines of you can’t control how others interact with you but you can control how you interact with others. If someone isn’t a positive person in your life, you need to let go. It’s not your fault, it might not even be their fault, but it just so happens that friendships come and go and you’re probably better off without each other. 

This doesn’t mean you are unimportant because you are. Whether people recognize it or not, you are very important to quite a few people out there. But sometimes, it’s just best to let go of a poisonous flower rather than to keep staring at it’s potential beauty. If someone doesn’t recognize your value and can’t reciprocate your friendship, it’s time to make a change and sever those ties. 

Why? Because we all deserve an empowerment squad that surrounds us on a daily basis. It doesn’t mean that those people we let go are not special or worthy, it just means that they don’t mix well with what we want to conquer in our lives. That’s a hard realization, but it’s an important one. One that I am working on every minute.

I figured out that there is only so much I can do. Instead of feeling as deeply as I do and coming out disappointed, I need to change my mindset. I need to realize that I have worked hard at something and sometimes that isn’t enough. In the world, people will come and go but the people who stay will be those who share a mutual respect and compassion with you. I need to work on forgiving those who wronged me and feeling okay with letting go of people who aren’t lifting me up.

Most importantly, I need to cherish and love the ones who do this for me. Instead of dwelling on the friendship failures, I will begin dwelling on the beautiful people who have gotten to mean so much to me over the past 20 years.

This is a lot of deep thinking for a Monday, but the gray skies made me go into a very rich state of mind this morning. This was really deep and personal, but I know I’m not the only one who experiences these emotions. Thank you kindly for reading today and I hope to hear your thoughts.

Until tomorrow,

Anna Marie ❤

P.S. When I say relationships, I don’t mean between my man and I, I mean all relationships in my life. Family, friends, acquaintances, the whole shebang. 🙂

Insecurities Are Smothering

Since the dawn of time, us humans have tried to make ourselves better. That’s why there is education and careers. That’s also why there is plastic surgery and fashion. How weird is it that those two go together?

Wanting to improve yourself is a steadfast way to becoming who you want to be and there are fundamentals that get you up to par with the rest of our expectations in society. Reading, writing, social norms, etc. All of these things are skills you learn because it is what’s acceptable and expected of you. Once you graduate high school (in the common case that you will) you finally have a say in what further improvements you want to make on yourself, if any.

You can go to college, enter a steady career, move away from home, join the service and so many other options. On the other hand, you can also stay home.

Once we mill about our lives in our teen years, we start to realize our insecurities as we begin to notice other expectations surrounding us. Fashion standards, beauty standards, athletic standards, academic standards… all of these standards can make us feel like we have to be up to par with the rest of the world so we can be recognized as an adequate human being.

Then we begin to notice deep rooted insecurities that come from our pasts. Such as craving attention from parents who never gave it to you that makes you feel like you’re not good enough. Even when you are. Trust issues that stem from putting your faith in others that only backfires and hurts you. But not all people are bad. Picking on and bullying those around you because you aren’t treated well somewhere else in your life. Even when they don’t deserve it. 

All of these insecurities lead you to act a certain way and BECOME a certain person. Even if you don’t realize it. When we have all of these expectations and standards floating around us, it’s hard to get an A on every test that is given to us. How are we suppose to be everything? How are we suppose to stand out in a sea of people trying to become everything?

Focus on your values and your morals. Focus on what makes you the person you love and what could make you better. It’s hard to see how your past implicates your future but understand that it does. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither is confidence. It’s something we must continuously do to accept what we are insecure about and even embrace them as we move forward.

So here’s a to a day filled with baby steps of making a yourself an even better you.

Until next week,

Anna Marie ❤