I’m Terrified to Talk About It

I’ve started so many posts today but I couldn’t finish a single one.

I have burned through topics and conversations and the only thing I want to write about terrifies me.

Because I’m writing about love.

And what is more terrifying than talking about love?

I had it. 

And they don’t tell you about the waiting.

They don’t tell you about what happens after experiencing love, an all-consuming kind of love, and having it slip through your hands.

Yes… wait.

Wait for time to forgive and accept that not all kinds of love conquers. But knowing that the right love will conquer all.

Wait for you to taste what you had before in a more explosive and delicate way.

We’re simply stuck waiting. 

The mode I’m in is a fragile patience.

It’s not a desperate need but more of a mutual understanding with my heart.

I’m in a patient stage of contentment with myself and where I am. I don’t feel the need to constantly be on the look out for love. I am not seeking a partner to have in the next 24 hours and while I miss kisses on my forehead and waking up in someone’s arms, it means a lot more when that someone is in love with you.

No, I’m okay with being patient.

For a girl who dreams of a certain kind of love… I know what I want. I know what I can offer and where I want to go and I want a partner who is the same way.

I’m waiting for someone who I don’t have to force myself to like. Someone I know who will fight for me because they see the value I have. Someone who isn’t into the games this generation likes to play.

I’ve realized how hard it is to let go of the kind of control I wish I had over love.

You can’t control love.

You can’t control how you feel, why you feel it, thoughts that consume you or how long it takes to fall completely head over heels or out of a broken dream.

But I can focus on anything and frankly, everything else, while that part of my life is stagnant.

Patience is my virtue as I continue to wait in this in-between of knowing what love is and looking forward to the day I can call it mine again.

Until tomorrow,

Anna Marie

Here’s Why We Get Too Attached To People

Otherwise known as the overemotional, the clingers, the givers, the ones who just care too much… and so on. These “titles” all have so many different meanings and I want to clear up what it is like to be someone who gets extremely connected with other human beings.

We crave relationships with others. We love to cultivate and grow relationships with people and there is no better feeling than recognizing when someone has crossed over into that small group of people you would do anything for.

We love with an intensity that little can handle in relationships. We give so much that sometimes we disappear into that person, unable to recognize who we are without them. We literally give a piece of us to them and trust them to take care of you like you are undoubtedly going to do for them. We love so fiercely that we forget to love ourselves and more often than not, we end up hurting because of that.

We feel each emotion deeper and stronger than the average person not because we are overemotional, but because we feel we have connected with someone so strongly that our happiness explodes brighter and our sorrow sinks deeper through the ups and downs of life. All of our emotions stem from interactions with other people, either lack of or an overabundance of it, we feel because of how others interact around us.

We love deep friendships.To get to know someone and find out every single thing about them is to feel like you have truly understood another complex being. When we recognize those who give to us, we give back. Sometimes, we give back so much that others stop giving all together until the work load sits on our shoulders and slowly weighs us down.

We want to belong.

We want to belong.

But see, people who are too attached to others can’t feel that weight when they are focused on someone they love. They don’t care the pounds they carry as long as they are doing everything possible to cultivate and help a relationship with another friend. We love genuineness and feeling like we have purpose or belong somewhere.

This is why we are told we care too much. We’re too nice. Someone can stab you in the back, crush your heart, exploit your secrets and a piece of you will always want to help them and be there for them. No matter how badly your broken and bleeding. It’s hard for us to step back and recognize when we need to protect ourselves.

It’s taken advantage of far too much. 

We can stand up for ourselves unless its to the people we love. We can be the toughest, strongest person you know but if we love you- it’s hard for us to not become putty in warm hands.

So please, for me, understand how you should be treating a person who feels so deeply and gives so much to others. 

Be patient in understanding that sometimes those emotions we have can grip our hearts without reason. Choose to be present and just listen to what they have to say. Sometimes we just need to explode even if it’s nonsense we won’t care about in ten minutes.

Be gentle. We can be overwhelming at times by how much we feel and how deeply we connect with others but that doesn’t mean you have to match it. It just means you have to try and understand that.We love and interact with friends in different ways. Believe me, we’re an understanding bunch.

Give back. This doesn’t mean you have to constantly be going overboard. Just remember that love given to someone should not be taken for granted. Every day you should think of how you appreciate another person and why you want them in your life. If you can’t come up with any reasons… what are you doing?

We find the other good eggs out there eventually.

Until Next Time,

Anna Marie

Confessions of a Story-aholic

All binge-watchers please rise.

You get up in the morning to watch an episode of a new favorite show and next thing you know its 1 p.m., you’re emotionally latched onto at least three characters and your coffee is still sitting under the Keurig. I’ve been there, have you?

I have been one of those TV/movie junkies since I was little because more than anything, I love stories. In fact, that’s the reason these shows and movies keep coming out. Most of the population world wide loves a good story. Now, there are other ways to get your fix like reading the newspaper or a good book (I still love that page turning thrill of getting to the next plot twist) but let’s face it, technology has given us something beautiful. Stories on demand.

Movies and TV shows have become so accessible with Netflix and digital renting. I particularly love getting involved with these types of media because of the show’s ability to cast a story that can make you learn or feel differently after you watch it. For example, one of my favorite TV shows is One Tree Hill which I am currently re-watching. (Naley, anyone?)

My SIGNED copy of The Longest Ride by Nicholas Sparks, one of my favorite authors. 2013.

My SIGNED copy of The Longest Ride by Nicholas Sparks, one of my favorite authors. 2013.

This show has drama, deceit and even some action all wrapped into a neat bow. The best part is that at the end of every episode you always end up learning a mini lesson. You get so emotionally attached to each character and feel such hatred towards others that you feel like you need to know what happens next and when they learn from their mistake you think, huh… that makes sense. Isn’t it beautiful how a story can affect you that way?

Obviously, these movies and shows are scripted. Unless you are a reality TV fan in which you mostly watch people scream at each other. P.S. I love Dance Moms and the Bachelor. Anyways, when writers are creating these scripts, they go off of real life experiences and realistic ways to handle problems and life. Unless you’re a herd of zombies. Or a sparkly vampire.

What I’m trying to say is that I love a good story that can make you feel something. When you can relate to someone in the story for even just a scene, it makes the whole experience just a little bit more personal. A lot of people preach about the negative effects of TV which I can agree that way TOO much can be harmful. On the other hand, to get lost in a story on screen can be one of the best ways to relax and let your mind go.

So now I have to ask, what are your favorite stories? Favorite movies, books, TV shows, anything!

A few of my favorites are The Last Song (book), The Fault in our Stars (both), Hunger Games Trilogy (both), One Tree Hill, Dance Moms, Bachelor, Chasing Life, The Host (book).

Tell me what you like and let’s bond over storytelling.

Until next time,

Anna Marie