Why are we so scared?

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Don’t lose your sense of adventure.

Open up to strangers and invite love into your heart.

Sit on the bus and ask how the person to your left is doing.

It’s not creepy, it’s how we used to meet people.

Stand in line at a coffee shop and tell that girl who dressed up that she looks lovely.

She won’t give you a weird look, she’ll smile.

Pick up a book and read your favorite quote to someone you want to connect with.

Your favorite words will tell them so much more than your Facebook account.

Smile with your eyes and dress up so you can say damn, I look GOOD.

Stop racing for a goal and breathe in the moment you’re living.

Why are we so scared to live in a world where no matter what, you’re going to get hurt?

It’s true isn’t it?

No matter how guarded you are, how careful you are, how safe you live your life- you’re bound to get hurt at some point down the road.

Tripping on the side walk.

Criticized by your boss.

Rejected by your crush.

Hurt is going to happen.

So why do we fear it so much?

It’s a huge part of us.

A part of living, growing stronger and pushing forward.

I’ve seen people cringe from pain so much that they’ve become immune to being alive.

They hide themselves in a shell so tough that they can’t even begin to understand how someone could open it.

And it only grows thicker.

The part of them that could really live gets hidden as they go through the motions- waiting for anything to break through that shell.

Well it’s not up to a force of nature.

It’s up to you.

It’s up to you to face your fear and live in a world where you embrace rejection and let it push you.

By the thousandth time, you’ll be a professional.

By the thousandth no, you’ll hear “there’s a different plan”.

Don’t be scared to live. 

Embrace the fear and do it anyways because we’re all a little insane to hope that just enough courage will earn us the happiness we all deserve.

Until next time,

Anna Marie

 

 

You Must Decide To Rise

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Breathe.

Breathe in light.

Breathe out darkness.

Raise your palms to the sun so your fingertips can be touched by hope.

Close your eyes so you can imagine how blessed you are to be so loved.

Wild and free.

Wind blowing throw fields of sunflowers so yellow it’s petals drip happiness.

Free as the birds who fly anywhere and everywhere with the option of home always in their hearts.

Wild as the drinks that make you dance on table tops and kiss strangers.

Breathe in.

If only to feel alive because spontaneity is played by those who crave adventure.

It’s for those who crave each other. 

Lust and love.

Fall in love with a one night stand for just one night but promise to respect your body.

Crave love in everyone you meet and long for a soul that will understand your own.

Have the patience of your mother and keep her strength too.

Be brave like trees swaying in hurricanes.

Pray for the opportunity to spread positivity.

Love fiercely, move fearlessly and chase what everyone is too scared to run after. 

Rejection isn’t for the weak- it’s for the willing who know they are capable of rising.

And you must decide to rise. 

Until Tomorrow,

Anna Marie

Laying All My Secrets Bare

Sometimes inspiration is taking what you feel angry about and fighting against it.

Well, I’m not fighting today. I’m taking all of this accumulating anger and pushing them into words.

This is about recognizing what you’re feeling.

Then it’s having the balls to write about it.

I Hope You Know

I hate admitting that I still think about you.

I hate it. 

I have never been more angry with myself or with another person.

I have never expected more from a human being who has let me down.

You make me angry.

It’s crazy how quickly my anger dissolves when I try to confront someone.

It’s like I have two people sharing my body and the nice one always overrules the mean one.

My words come out kinder and where I want to say “you are awful for what you did to me” I say “it’s okay”. 

But it’s not okay.

It was never okay.

I need a formula to tell me how much time passes before you don’t cross my mind every day. 

I need a million dollars to pay off my University so I can finally leave these towns and these memories.

I need a plane ticket to the next town out of here.

Because I am sick of being the girl who can’t stand up for herself for fear of being mean.

I’m sick of fighting for people that fight way too hard to be let go by me. 

Some people deserve to feel your anger.

You, especially, deserve to feel my anger.

Because I have never felt more rage than I have had within me. 

And as badly as I want to march to your door, punch you square in the jaw, force you to apologize and walk away, I somehow control every heart-wrenching emotion and I fight it every single day because I tell myself that it’s not worth it.

It wouldn’t change anything.

It sure as hell won’t make me a better person.

It sure as hell won’t make you snap out of it.

It sure as hell won’t give me any answers.

And that’s the worst part.

Knowing the cowardice behind fake answers and I don’t knows.

Because you do know.

And  it’s not worth my time anymore.

But it doesn’t mean I don’t think about it.

And I’ll keep thinking about it until enough days pass that the bitterness fades or I just get used to it being a familiar friend.

No one will ever understand the strength it takes to write about pain and what you’re feeling. It’s terrifying and vulnerable. But I found that vulnerability only hurts when you don’t use it. Vulnerability is beautiful and that’s why I write about what hurts. I have decided to be a completely open book in these next few posts. Honesty is beautiful.

Until tomorrow,

Anna Marie

Dear Broken Heart

Dear Broken Heart,

I know what you feel right now. I know that your chest is caving in and you feel like an elephant is sitting on you. It feels like your heart is trying to pump concrete through your body and it’s slowly turning to stone. You feel like your mind is obsessed with “what ifs” and “whys” and as hard as you try, you can’t stop the tears from falling.

I know that every time you see something another memory surfaces. Every time something good or bad happens you think of that person. Every time someone asks you if you’re okay you say yes to be polite but know that right now, you’re far from okay.

I know that you don’t want to deal with the questions because you still haven’t answered them yourself. I know that no matter how many people tell you “you deserve more” you nod even though you don’t feel that way right now.

I know that the one person you want to talk to about everything isn’t here for you anymore. I know that you want so badly to talk to them. I know you can’t help but feel hope that some day they will recognize the mistake they made in letting you go. I know how hard it is for you to even consider letting go.

I know that you can give yourself the best pep talk in the world but you can’t force yourself to feel better. You still need time to overthink answers and cross check reasons and dig for any shred of light that might give you the strength to move past this.

I know that right now, you feel like a failure. You feel like there is something wrong with you that cannot be fixed and that you aren’t worthy of love. You feel betrayed and broken because you would have done anything for that person.

WHAT I KNOW… My sweet, injured heart, is that you will be okay.

It’s okay if it’s not today. It’s okay if it’s not tomorrow. But every day you will have a moment where you do feel okay. And in time that moment will grown into minutes, hours, days until eventually you feel strong and whole and ready to open your heart again.

You are worthy of love and affection. You are beautiful and kind and if someone gives you up, they are giving you a chance to be found by someone else who could love you deeper. Even when all you want is that person, you might not get them again and to accept that, is to understand that you cannot change it.

You are going to struggle to understand and that’s okay. You are going to hope that he is going to run back to you and for now, that’s okay. You need hope to give you strength so you can let go.

You are going to be terrified of moving on because you aren’t sure if you want to. Breathe in, breathe out. Take time to yourself now because that’s what you deserve.

Let go of the pain. Of the guilt. Let go of the self-doubt.

How do you look into the eyes of someone you love and tell yourself it’s time to walk away? When that person can look into your eyes and tell you that they don’t want you anymore. You deserve to be wanted. You deserve love.

Take time for yourself to put back together the pieces. It’s up to you, not to anyone else. You are strong enough to heal your heart and come out of this stronger and even more willing to fall in love again.

It’s you. You have to be the one to save yourself. You have to love yourself so you can be loved again. It’s horrifying and heartbreaking but what you need right now isn’t him or her. It’s you. You need yourself to stand tall and to lift your chin up. Be proud of what you have given and understand that after all of the effort, it’s your turn to let go so you can be happy again.

You’re the hero in this story and you will feel strong again. The love you need has to come from you right now. We both know you deserve it.

Until tomorrow,

Anna Marie