I Vow, 2017.

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I vow to worry less about others love for me and work harder to give that love to myself.

I vow to breathe through anxiety and put myself first.

I vow to say no without an explanation and feel comfortable doing so.

I vow to love fiercely in every way possible.

I vow to be vulnerable and real.

I vow to not let the fear of judgement control who I am.

I vow not to measure my success by the amount of likes on a picture or the amount of compliments in person.

I vow to keep some goals to myself and smash the hell out of them.

I vow to let go of could-bes and things that don’t work out.

I vow to truly take in the moments that make me carefree.

I vow to say what’s on my mind even if it isn’t what someone agrees with.

I vow to minimize the “stuff” I purchase and save it for the experiences I can live.

I vow to be open and genuine.

I vow to never numb myself to joy for fear of feeling pain later on.

I vow to say sorry less, to stop apologizing for who I am.

I vow to keep feeling every single emotion fullly and showing the world how it should be done.

I vow to call myself beautiful and believe it.

I vow to work through rejection in an effort to better myself.

I vow to have more courage to tell someone how I feel only for the sake of them knowing.

I vow to always find hope in any incredible amount of darkness I face.

I vow to accept that which I cannot change and move forward in the direction I’ve been pushed and pulled.

I vow, for one year, to give every ounce of love to myself so that others know how it should be done.

I vow, for one year, to be exactly who I am in the most kind and genuine way possible. 

I vow, for one year, to put my happiness utterly and completely before anyone else’s. 

I will always keep pushing, keep striving and keep growing.

I will never give up.

Love,

Anna Marie

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Bruised Hearts

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Bruised hearts  belong to the brave and the willing.

The ones who open wide to pain and shake hands with fear.

The ones who love so fiercely we cannot help but savor every last drop of lust and love.

The ones who are abused and used…

Left to be broken and battered in ash filled memories that drift like haze into our lungs.

Bruised hearts beat stronger than the rest.

We know what it’s like to feel heartache with every beat per minute- counting to ten over and over again until the day is done and we can finally breathe in our sleep.

Bruised hearts do not lack self-worth.

We value our beauty and brains because we know exactly what we have to offer and what we deserve.

We aren’t afraid to walk away from anything less than a HELL YEAH and we will never settle for mediocre. 

We value the person we are and push against all odds to cling to our dreams.

Bruised hearts exceed exhaustion.

With sweaty palms and empty lungs- we pace ourselves in a life long race of self love and self empowerment.

We constantly remind ourselves how far we’ve come and the strength we’ve tirelessly built along the way.

Our bodies and our minds are a fortress that cannot be destroyed by those who try to manipulate and change us.

Bruised hearts are willing to do whatever it takes to be the person we know we can be.

A person who loves everyone so recklessly that smiles are ignited wherever we go.

A person who inspires those around us to lift others up instead of falling into jealousy’s arms.

Bruised hearts have been damaged and ripped to shreds.

We have ricocheted countless attacks and we are still sewing the pieces back together as we grow.

We will never stop growing.

Our lights will never be dimmed.

Bruised hearts will always glow.

 

❤ Anna Marie

 

In Case of Emergency

In case of emergency, press pause. 

Smash your rose colored glasses and instead paint your lenses black so you can’t see the possibility of love. 

Keep your mouth glued shut and write STOP on your forearm.

It’s a reminder to knock yourself down before you can possibly begin to fight.

In case of emergency, run away as fast as you can.

Build a wall so high and thick that your own paranoia is the only thing that can make you feel fear. 

Erase “emotion” from your vocabulary and become selfish so you can detach yourself from literally anyone you find yourself enjoying. 

What is the point of opening up anyways? 

In case of emergency, don’t label a single thing. 

They’re not your play thing, your significant other, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your partner, your person that you’re kind of seeing. 

Labels mean you have to consider another person and God forbid this generation actually figures out their feelings. 

In case of emergency, never ever let yourself feel out of control and just end things before they are ended for you.

This is not okay but it’s the reality of how we date today.

Change the way we date. Take cowardice out of the equation.

Until tomorrow,

Anna Marie

 

 

Are We There Yet?

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We all want to “find ourselves” or “create ourselves”. Well, are you there yet? 

Who I am is a bi-product of all of you.

Your compliments, your support, your insults.

Your presence has pushed me down, pushed me over, pushed me skyward.

Who I am is a reflection of how I chose to react to all of you.

Whether to fight with nasty words or bite my tongue, flip tables or sit at one calmly, let rage burn me down or fuel build me higher.

I am a direct correlation of responses to all of YOU.

To love fiercely as I have been loved, help a hand in need as I have been helped, pass on the kindness that has been given to me.

We can learn much easier and much quicker by following the examples of those around us… of you. 

You want to know what you created?

This is who I am.

I am fiercely passionate about people.

I care vastly and deeply, sometimes quite overwhelmingly so.

I laugh frequently and uninhibitedly, scaring the pain right out of my system.

I have become stronger than I can recognize through let down after let down and rejection slapping me in the face.

I’ve been brought down to me knees to realize that I can always stand back up.

My favorite feeling in the world is sunshine kissing my skin and the ocean sand squishing between my toes.

I long for adventure through mountain tops and exploring country after country. And I’ll do it, too.

I’m undeniably comfortable with the person I’ve become and overwhelmingly excited for the woman I intend to create.

Pride is hard work and deep breaths.

Humbleness is never forgetting the struggles you’ve chosen to fight through to get you where you are.

Ambition is recognizing the struggles you will have to face to accomplish the life you want so badly to live.

The life you are living right now.

Are we there yet?

Until next time,

Anna Marie

 

 

You Must Decide To Rise

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Breathe.

Breathe in light.

Breathe out darkness.

Raise your palms to the sun so your fingertips can be touched by hope.

Close your eyes so you can imagine how blessed you are to be so loved.

Wild and free.

Wind blowing throw fields of sunflowers so yellow it’s petals drip happiness.

Free as the birds who fly anywhere and everywhere with the option of home always in their hearts.

Wild as the drinks that make you dance on table tops and kiss strangers.

Breathe in.

If only to feel alive because spontaneity is played by those who crave adventure.

It’s for those who crave each other. 

Lust and love.

Fall in love with a one night stand for just one night but promise to respect your body.

Crave love in everyone you meet and long for a soul that will understand your own.

Have the patience of your mother and keep her strength too.

Be brave like trees swaying in hurricanes.

Pray for the opportunity to spread positivity.

Love fiercely, move fearlessly and chase what everyone is too scared to run after. 

Rejection isn’t for the weak- it’s for the willing who know they are capable of rising.

And you must decide to rise. 

Until Tomorrow,

Anna Marie

It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

It’s okay to be utterly defeated but still feel happiness.

It’s okay to want something you can’t have but appreciate all that you do.

It’s okay to miss someone even if you’re surrounded by so many incredible people.

It’s okay to not be okay.

If you feel anger, push it into a place that will fuel you.

If you feel sadness, cry until your tears float you a little closer to the sky.

If you feel abandoned, hug yourself with warm blankets and tea or let someone else do it for a change.

It’s okay to not be okay.

When you want love, know it arrives and leaves exactly when it’s supposed to.

When you want happiness, know that it starts with the way you view the world.

When you want success, know how hard you must fight to make it yours.

It’s okay to feel a little disappointed.

It’s okay to feel lost.

But when you decide to stop cringing from your safe place in a ball on the ground, stand up.

Find what you love to do and do it with passion.

It’s okay to not be okay but it is NOT okay to let it consume you.

Surround yourself with people who love you and love them fiercely.

Go on an adventure even if you don’t feel like it because you know the memories will be worth it.

Laugh as much as possible and daydream about where you are headed.

You can do these things even if you don’t feel okay.

You can experience happiness and still not feel okay.

It’s a process of growing.

It’s a process of becoming something utterly new and that IS okay.

Take your life day by day because that’s really all we can handle in 24 hours.

Plans change daily, futures are made up on the spot and dreams just keep getting bigger.

Chase down what you want and make it yours.

It’s never too late to start again.

We do it every morning.

Until Next Time,

Anna Marie

You Can Shine in Darkness

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When it’s dark outside, demons have a way of crawling in-between the spaces I have created happiness in.

They take shape in memories and what if’s… always preaching about what I could have done or how I’ve failed.

They whine like wolves to my heart strings, screeching and howling until I bleed from the sound.

My demons slither beneath my skin and swallow any light I’ve found within me.

But I once heard you have to friend your enemies.

And I slowly deceived the demons. 

I let the wounds bleed and would dab at them with reminders of what I love to do when they were not looking.

I got to know them and their plan to control my happiness and I quietly learned the reasons behind their savageness. 

I crept silently into their world only to befriend the enemy and discover strategies of all different calibers. 

Only after the enemy tore my spirit limb from limb did I blast through the scars with a light so bright my eyes couldn’t remember the sight of darkness.

And I shined.

And I healed every wound with a petrifying force that created a warmth so compassionate the demons started weeping.

I started weeping.

And I won’t ever forget this feeling of what it once was to feel so dark inside that only my own happiness could cure the shadows.

Because I thought that every ounce of light had left me when it was always patiently sitting, waiting for when I was ready.

I’m ready now.

I’m shining.

Until Next Time,

Anna Marie

I am STILL a Damn Butterfly

(A creative and magnificent sequel to this post right HERE!)

They say that your twenties are filled with change and seven hundred different versions of yourself. Well, “they” got it right.

I have changed more in the past six months than I feel like I have in my entire life.

I have jumped from version 20.0 to 20.35, skipping through different Anna’s until one new aspect sticks to me, creating this ultimate version of Anna that I’m starting to enjoy.

And as I was rolling in fuzzy blankets underneath the Christmas lights that decorate my room, I saw a shadow cast on my wall that looked like… a butterfly.

It reminded me of a small passage I wrote two nights ago that I didn’t think I would share on Inspired She Lives, but we’re all about opening up here. Acceptance and love, right?

So here it is.

I’m Still A Damn Butterfly

We get broken as a test to see how well we can transform.

We spin around and around, weaving our cocoon until the only thing we have left to do is wait. 

Wait until enough time passes.

Wait for our wings to grow.

Wait for our colors to brighten.

Or just wait for our patience to run out.

But we find our strength in ourselves because that is our only option and the patience…

It stays.

And after weeks and weeks of metamorphosis, we spread our wings and realize that our wings are ready to fly. 

And though our journey was long, it was beautiful.

And WE are beautiful.

🙂

Thankfully, some words pour out of me and tell me how I am feeling. These words that are written were not over thought or carefully crafted. They bled from the scars that come with change and soothed the little girl who is sick of all the villains in her life.

So thank you so much for reading. I hope your Monday conquers every other Monday before it.

Until tomorrow,

Anna Marie

A Mess of Words Smashed Together To Describe Who I Am

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I’m a whirlwind of adaptation and determination. My mind clocks 100 mph thoughts while my legs struggle to run 1/10th of that pace. Sleep doesn’t stand a chance against the intensity of my creativity and I toss and turn with dreams of blank faces I have yet to meet.

I easily lose sight of myself in others. My broken dreams spring hopeful prayers and my heart is not one to pass the chance of wishing on a shooting star.

My eyes can be useless to the intensity of my focus.

My brain is considered smart while my decisions can reflect the opposite. Oh, but I learn with grace and passion what it is to turn a mistake into a lesson.

My heart swells easily and beats love. I fall quickly and shamelessly into a whirlwind of laughter and trust. My excitement explodes freely and the love I give is raw and untouchable.

My laugh cracks like sticks turning to coals in a fire while my smile comes and goes in waves. Happiness finds me again and again, teaching me the patience I need to embrace the in-between.

My strength shines through cracks and scars that have been healed by a process of learning self-love.

The aches I feel are from years ago but the person I’ve become thanks the pain for teaching me how to move forward. I have learned the value in letting yourself be broken if only to put yourself back together with stronger glue.

I’ve thrown myself into projects and people that didn’t deserve the effort and I’ve mistreated the ones that did. Perfection is unattainable but it was once a goal before I realized the insanity of it. 

I’ve cared far too deeply or not enough. My inspiration is crazed by photography that speaks words that don’t exist and quotes that tear my soul open and leave me with nothing but a mirror and a magnifying glass.

I’ve become a beautiful monster who creates and cultivates. I’ve become a piece of art that was painted by my own thoughts and experiences.

I am proud of my own creation. Me.

Until tomorrow,

Anna Marie