Love Her

 

 

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Oh please, just love her.

Love her to the ends of the earth.

Love her vastly and openly, let her be who she’s supposed to be.

Push her to explore. 

Push her to try again.

Love her for who she is and not who she could be.

Love her whole. 

Love her in pieces.

Love the way she’s not perfect. 

Encourage her to love the imperfections too.

Love her to love yourself better.

Love her to heal your fears.

Love her excitement.

Love how she loves you.

Squeeze her tight and kiss her hard.

Love her so much. 

Oh please, just love her.

 

Love,

Anna Marie ❤

 

 

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To Be Inspired

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To be inspired is to laugh so hard your body shakes. 

To hug someone who has continuously given you their time and love.

To breathe a sigh of relief after a big test.

You know that feeling when you can feel something inside you building?

Courage, determination, strength or pure happiness?

And then you finally approach that person or run that extra mile and you just feel… good.

Not good- inspired.

Inspiration is driven from chalk being twirled and pressed into concrete.

From 26 letters of the alphabet creating a novel that erupts passion.

From that one person you couldn’t live without whose presence sends your mood to the moon.

It’s biting into a piece of pizza and closing your eyes because the combination is just right as it dances on your tongue.

It’s that wave of heat that encompasses you as you step from painfully frozen air into a heated building.

It’s the excitement of a stranger saying “Good Morning” or smiling at you just because they are  swallowed in their own happiness.

Inspiration comes from new eyes searching the world around you.

From appreciating the moments that we so easily forget.

Taking our pants off.

Falling into a warm bed.

Stretching sore muscles.

It’s the way we look at ordinary days.

Because those ordinary days make up our lives.

That’s how we will create an inspired life- by living and breathing the beauty that goes into simply waking up in a comfortable home that was created by you.

Until Next Time,

Anna Marie

 

 

This Is How You’re Going To Love Me

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This is how you’re going to love me.

You’re going to fall right in.

You’re going to realize immediately that I care really fast and all at once.

I’ve tried being the aloof, mysterious girl you’ll have to chase.

But I’m not.

You’re going to appreciate that.

You’re going to love that I never played games with you- that I never made your mind reel and question what I want.

You’re going to be scared by how open I am, it’s going to all feel like too much.

But you’ll know pretty quickly how rare it is to find someone as vulnerable yet strong as I am.

I’m going to ask you hard questions, push you to open up, say things that catch you off guard and lay it all out on the line.

You’ll be ready to handle that.

You will answer every question with thought and tell me stories until 3 am when our eyes are shutting against our will.

You will be strong enough to know what I’m offering and handle every piece of my heart with care.

You will know exactly what you’re giving to me and trust me not to give up on you.

You’re going to learn about me.

Why trust doesn’t come easy to me, what I’m scared of, what I’ve struggled through… it will make you understand why I became this version of myself.

You’re going to tell me how you’ve become the person you are.

We are going to want to know everything about each other.

We are going to ask questions.

You’re going to laugh as hard as I do about the silly things and fight for your beliefs and values.

You’re going to show kindness to everyone around you and unknowingly make me a better person.

Being around me is going to do the same.

We will empower each other, support each other and laugh with each other.

You’re going to get mad at me but you won’t leave, you’ll be the first person to stay.

Because differences will happen but we both will choose to work through them.

You’ll stay because you’ll choose to love me through the hardest parts of life and dance with me through the highlight reel of life.

You’ll become my best friend and my number one fan.

You’re going to love the simplicity of being together.

You will look at me with that “she’s the one I choose” look and it will give me butterflies.

You will find that I give too much, dream really big and love deeper than you’ve ever experienced.

You’re not going to hold back.

And the idea of love is not going to scare you after a while- maybe it will seem like a lot at first- but no, you’re going to see me standing before you and you’re going to know that if there is one place you will be for the rest of your life, it will be by my side.

I can’t wait to be by yours.

Until tomorrow,

Anna Marie

 

 

Screw Technology

This is what pain feels like. 

Pain is feeling completely isolated when surrounded by a group of people who barely look up.

Pain is your courage to finally share a story to a room of people looking down at their cellphones, unable to so much as glance in your direction to hear about your vivid excitement or obvious distress.

Pain is not a single person in the room looking up to make eye contact with you, just solemn “mhms” and nods that are part of a performance- of how they should be reacting to make you feel “important”.

Pain is when someone finally looks you in the eye, you breathe a sigh of relief and gratitude because you are finally being heard, until you catch their thumbs moving automatically… not even needing sight to be imprisoned by a screen.

Pain is getting to the rising action and recognizing that not a single person is looking at you.

Pain is stopping mid-sentence in complete defeat, only to feel unworthy when no one realizes you’ve ended your attempt at conversation.

Pain is having this happen to you over and over again.

When was the last time you were truly WITH someone? When was the last time you turned your phone off so you could drink in every syllable of someone who trusts you to take an interest in their life?

Can you comprehend the utterly gut wrenching pain that shoots throughout someone when you look at your phone in the middle of a conversation?

Do you know how awful it feels to think you don’t matter because a text, a Facebook notification, a like is more important then the time someone is spending with you?

It’s ridiculous.

If you care about someone, prove it. Give them your undivided attention. Ask them questions, engage with them, ask them how their day is.

How often do we actually get asked how our days are that isn’t just a subtle formality? 

How often does someone actually care about how our days went?

No one deserves to feel like this.

Put your phone down and show someone you care.

Put your phone down and save the relationships you haven’t already damaged.

Put your phone down and respect someone’s time with you.

Just put your damn phone down. 

Until tomorrow,

Anna Marie

 

 

 

Unsteady Dating Habits of This Generation

I’m lost in a generation that doesn’t fit my dreams. I’m settling for a scene that produces heart break and casual love.

I’m not a casual love kind of girl.

I’m not a casual fling, a one night stand or a buddy you can call when it’s convenient.

I’m not a waste of fear like half of the people around me seem to be.

They’re afraid.

Afraid of commitment, afraid of fighting, even afraid of talking to someone they find remotely interesting.

Why is that so terrifying to us now?

Why is there a timeline of love?

My grandparents dated for 6 months before getting engaged and were married shortly after.

Why does this fear of interaction keep us from committing to one person?

It may be this generation’s way of dating, but it’s not mine.

I’ll stay hopeful for the ones out there who feel the way I do about love.

It should be fought for, worked for and approached with confidence.

You should be able to go up to someone and talk with them because you want to get to know them, not because you’ll be seen as overbearing or needy.

What is the point of playing hard to get? What is the point of a chase?

Life isn’t a game and I refuse to treat it like one.

I’m a playful person but this is serious to me and I’ll treat it as so.

I’m looking for something… MORE.

More than timed texts and waiting three days to call.

I’m looking for electricity.

I’ve seen sparks in people and I know what it is that makes me glow.

It’s going to be tough to wait for someone who wants the same kind of love I do, but it will be worth it.

And it will inspire.

Until Next Time,

Anna Marie

 

 

Manic Mondays and Love

I wasn’t able to sit down and write today. There is something about being a college student, an employee, a business owner, a friend and a daughter that consumes my life and so today I wanted to share something with you that gave me inspiration.

It is a video about love and who love is.

It’s beautiful and it made me think quite a bit.

Enjoy. ❤

When Love Arrives

I’ll Say It Again, Travel Heals You: Germany

Sometimes we get stuck. We get put in this place where moving forward is our only option but our environment won’t allow for it until certain things are taken care of. Our minds go into overdrive and our emotions lay bare. Our hearts pump blood a little faster and our hope spreads thin.

I was there. I was in this place where I wanted more than anything in the world to move forward and I was continuously dragged back into this dark place.

Germany was my haven.

The first two weeks here, I saw so many new things and took part in all of these common traditions and I started to forget the darkness I left. I felt alive.

A few days into my trip I started to wonder why I was keeping attachments to people and things that hurt me and so I did what any sane woman who was trying to move forward would do, I completely detached them from every aspect of my life. I did it for me so I could move forward and stop the thoughts from pouring in every time I saw their name.

It wasn’t until I realized my trip was half way over that I realized I hadn’t thought about anything happening back home for a few days now. A topic that shadowed my thoughts for months hadn’t even crossed my mind for a few seconds in the past few days.

Once again, travel was healing me.

When I sat in bed thinking of how incredible this moment was, tears filled my eyes. I saw myself and I recognized someone who looked like me but felt different. I felt stronger, passionate and more than anything, loved. I was surrounded by new friends and an amazing family and the love I felt was more genuine than anything I’ve known.

I laughed because I recognized someone who had made it through what I thought was impossible. The worst is over, now I can promise happiness to myself.

There is nothing more beautiful than realizing you made it through the worst part of a pitfall in your life. 

I used to reflect so much on this past summer and I haven’t done that for weeks now. I haven’t questioned, wondered or regretted anything. I haven’t relapsed or broken down and I don’t see that part of my life as I used to. I’m not blinded by emotion anymore and I see everything a lot more clear.

It’s crazy what happens to you when you are so close to a situation. Germany gave me the time to see that what happened to me was not a punishment in any way. It was a blessing in disguise in order for me to become who I want and go where I believe I deserve to go. It showed me how much love I need to come from myself so I can stop feeling the pain I had been in.

It only took the Atlantic Ocean and a different continent for me to finally feel like the storm is at it’s end. And once again, travel has healed me.

Until tomorrow,

Anna Marie

The Constant Battle Between Your Heart and Your Head

Hush, I tell my heart, you don’t always know what’s best for you. 

Quiet, my heart challenges, you’re overthinking this. 

It’s like I can feel these two separate entities inside of me whenever a crucial decision arises.

For instance, when you get a funny feeling about someone or being somewhere.

Our head often sees what’s happening far before our hearts ever sense we might be in danger. When we finally realize our thoughts are not just paranoia we cautiously whisper our fears to our beating chests. With every beat, our hearts reassure us that people are good, incapable of causing pain and besides, can’t you just enjoy happiness for once?

They say we’re ignoring our gut instinct but in reality, we just have too much hope. We are too excited for things to go as we dream and push away the nagging discouragements our brain is spewing in the background. We just want our heart to find happiness because we know how much it deserves to. 

If you’ve ever been stuck, it’s hard to choose between what you think is right and what you feel is right. I wish I could help you understand which is better but the truth is there is never going to be one that conquers all.

There is this battle that happens within us and that’s when we know the decision we are making is life-changing. When your heart and your head clash so ferociously you can’t sleep, that’s when you know you’ve come to a fork that has two separate futures.

And if you follow your heart? I can promise you that you will feel good. I can’t promise for how long, but whenever you choose your heart you always feel good for at least a little while.

Is it smart to choose your heart and surrender your brain? It depends really.

Is it smart to choose your brain and ignore those feelings you have? I just don’t know.

But if you follow your brain? You can talk yourself into reason and sometimes that means talking your heart into reason as well. You can calm the terror you may feel in your chest by explaining why something needs to change.

In our hearts, we can almost always know if something is a good idea if it just feels right. 

Often, we can also argue our minds to the point where we convince ourselves that it is right. 

So in the end, we never know if we made the “right” decision or chose the right organ to follow. We just move forward because we realize that is what we decided to do. We continue on living and will not know if that organ was the more reasonable one until one of them start questioning every choice you’ve ever made again.

When that time comes, maybe wave a white flag and find a way to follow both. 😉

Until Next Time,

Anna Marie

We Need To Stop The “No Expectations” Advice

“If you don’t expect anything, you won’t get hurt.”

You also won’t work for anything either. You won’t try but I guess you also won’t fail.

I understand what this “no expectations” outbreak is going for… don’t expect too much because you’ll put yourself in a situation that may make you unhappy. You may be far too demanding of those around you and constantly put yourself in a position to disappoint your own wishes. I get that, but NO expectations?

Don’t tell young people of this age that we should have NO expectations in life. There is SO many great expectations that we can hold that push us further and make us work hard.I have expectations for a lot of things. I’m human and believe that we should carry expectations for ourselves.

For example:

Relationships. We should expect to be treated with respect. If we don’t expect that, we can easily become a doormat. I don’t think anyone likes feeling that way. We should expect someone to care about us and show it because it’s what we need to share a happy relationship (at least for some of us). If we don’t expect to be cared about then what the heck do we even date for? You might as well marry a rock. Or a log. I don’t know. I don’t expect strangers to care about me and I can’t have you on the same plane as them.

We can expect to be loved. Isn’t that what you get into a relationship for? If I don’t expect you to love me then I probably don’t care about you at all. I expect you to work through problems with me because that is what you’re supposed to do in a relationship (in my eyes). If I don’t expect that, we will hold grudges or resent each other until we are such a dysfunctional couple we aren’t happy anymore.

When it goes too far… I don’t expect flowers or to be showered with gifts. I just expect some type of effort because that’s what I believe a relationship needs. I don’t expect us to never fight. I don’t expect you to be perfect or for either of us to always be right. I just want your love.

Career. We can expect to get a degree if we work hard and follow the guidelines to earn one. I wouldn’t be in college if I didn’t expect to get a degree at the end of it all. We expect to get hired eventually doing something we love because we will have earned a higher education to do so and have worked our butts off to get the special requirements needed.

When it goes too far… I won’t expect to get a raise because I think I deserve it. I won’t expect to get promoted if there are other great candidates around me. I won’t expect to work my way up easily.

Friendships. We can expect honesty. We can expect to be there for one another. We can expect to ask each other to hang out and put some effort in.

When it goes too far… I don’t expect me to be your best friend or your only friend. I don’t expect us to always be free or super close to each other.

It really makes me upset to see so many people say they just won’t expect anything anymore. You should have standards set for your goals and what you want out of life. Just don’t get carried away. That’s why quotes like this get popularized. Don’t expect TOO MUCH but please, for the love of all that is good and pure, expect something out of the world around you.

Until next time,

Anna Marie

What I Learned From Being Dumped

Yeah, the title is as embarrassing as I feel writing this post but it’s been on my mind for a while and I’m just going to embrace what I went through.

QUICKLY: This isn’t a hate post. This isn’t in anyway an attack to the person who I dated because I will always stand behind the fact that he is a great guy. I don’t have any bad feelings toward him or what happened. However, he did hurt me and I’m a writer who writes about what I’ve gone through.  

So here’s what I learned from someone ripping my heart out of my chest and then throwing it in the grass and running it over with a lawn mower. (Dramatic metaphor or passive aggressive? Haha)

1. The reason a relationship ends will sometimes never be good enough. We can hear the reason 25 times and it still doesn’t make sense to us. However, we decided to stop trying to figure it out at some point. There comes a point when you decide it doesn’t even deserve the amount of thought you’ve done trying to analyze what it could possibly mean and so we accept that we will never get that kind of closure.

2. You’ll always have questions and something to say. If you get the chance to cool off and talk with them, you’re only going to arise 33 more questions and 21 more soliloquies in your head. It’s a never ending cycle. You’ll always want to say one last thing and ask one more question. Soon enough, those will start dying down in your head.

3. You stay in love with the memories you had of that person, not the person actually standing in front of you. This was so important to learn. We constantly play the highlight reel in our head. We playback all of the happy memories we had and we still look at this person as the one who gave us so much happiness and joy. That’s not true anymore. The person in front of you now is so very different. They aren’t choosing you anymore and as excruciating as it is to read… they don’t want you. Is that really the kind of person you want to be with down the road? Is it? Of course not.

4. In most cases, the person who dumped you didn’t want to cause you all of the pain you have had to endure. I know in my case, this was the honest truth. It wasn’t easy for him to see me so torn apart and believe me, it was horrible to be so torn apart in front of him. If someone truly loved us- they would never want to see you in that much pain. So there comes a point when you realize they never wanted to hurt you but decided to because it was in their best interest (and who knows, maybe yours too). This sounds harsh because it is but believe me the one who dumped you didn’t get off too easy themselves. I don’t really know what it’s like on the other side, but they didn’t fake the entire relationship and have some healing to do as well.

5. You lose so much more than a boyfriend. I was more upset that I lost my best friend more than anything. I hated that I didn’t have my favorite someone to go on walks with, out to eat with, home with and adventure with. My most trusted partner in crime became my hearts biggest enemy in a matter of five minutes and that has been the hardest part to deal with.

You lose so much more than just your boyfriend, you lose his family. I don’t know if you loved/hated them but it’s so much worse when you feel like you found a home where he calls home. You created memories, jokes and plans with them and the most unfair part of a break up is you can’t say goodbye to people that never had a say in the matter. You just have to be sad and close all of the doors yourself. It’s all just so difficult.

6. Relationships REQUIRE two people to fight for each other. There is no such thing as an easy relationship… to a point. Those of us who are fighters will never understand how someone can just give up. At first, a relationship is so easy. You’re in love and they’re perfect and it’s not until the honeymoon phase fades that you realize you are actually required to work for a great relationship.

Simply put, some people just are not ready. Maybe “not ready” is what scared people say. Honestly, they will never be ready. No one is ever ready for anything. We’ll always be scared. You just do and you make it happen if you believe in what you have. If you aren’t leaving your comfort zone, you’ll never see how great something can be.

Then again, timing can be important. Maybe you’re on different paths or in different points in your life and it’s important to recognize that.

7. You will always have these insane notions (for a while) that they will turn around, realize how incredibly amazing you are (which you ARE) and decide they want to fight for love now. I don’t know when these daydreams will stop happening but I still have them if I’m being completely honest. This is the part that kills us. HOPE. The whole “if it’s meant to be, it will happen”. Kind of true but I believe someone has to decide that they want it to happen and then they set it in motion.

We wonder if that was the last time you will ever see them again or if you’ll ever bump into each other down the road and maybe even rekindle a love that is willing and timely. We still imagine them in our future because it is a dream we had for so long that we didn’t even choose to end. We even say to each other “see you later” because it’s easier than saying goodbye to someone who was a big part of your life for a while.

John Green says it perfectly in “Paper Towns”.

It is saying these things that keeps us from falling apart. And maybe by imagining these futures we can make them real, and maybe not, but either way we must imagine them. I stand in the parking lot… and here is this girl I love and cannot follow. I hope this is the hero’s errand because not following her is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I keep thinking she will get in the car, but she doesn’t, and she finally turns around to me and I see her soaked eyes. The physical space between us evaporates. After we kiss, our foreheads touch as we stare at each other. Yes, I can see her almost perfectly in this cracked darkness. 

We want so badly to hold on to those final moments so we can let go of the person attached to them.

8. There’s not an expiration date on pain. We feel so many emotions: pain, rejection, hope, excitement, relief, guilt, etc. That sometimes all we feel is absolutely nothing. Numbed by an overwhelming amount of emotion. For every person it takes a different amount of time. Just know that as long as you’re pushing yourself to move forward, you can take as long as you need.

9. I learned what it was like to be in love. We know what love is (maybe) and I know I was in it. I loved so much, felt so deeply and cared so passionately about another human being. I can’t imagine what it will feel like when someone is ready to feel that way about me, regardless of fear and hesitations. I found a love that could have lasted a lifetime and I hope to fall in love with another best friend. I am so incredibly hopeful for the future.

10. You slowly move on, but you DO move on. I never thought I could confidently say that. We will always be touchy about the subject but what are we supposed to do? Dwell every day and never open up again? No. I will open my heart bigger and better than before. I’ve moved forward and am becoming a much stronger person after it all.

I almost wish I could say a huge thank you for the person I became because of him. I had an incredible journey that pushed me to be a person I’m really starting to like. I just wish I didn’t have to go through so much pain to get here. We all want love so bad, that we put ourselves through hell just in the hopes that one day it will all be worth it. For now, we just have to leave everything behind.

It is so hard to leave- until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world. –John Green

I sure hope so Mr. Green. I really do.

Until tomorrow,

Anna Marie