Love Her

 

 

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Oh please, just love her.

Love her to the ends of the earth.

Love her vastly and openly, let her be who she’s supposed to be.

Push her to explore. 

Push her to try again.

Love her for who she is and not who she could be.

Love her whole. 

Love her in pieces.

Love the way she’s not perfect. 

Encourage her to love the imperfections too.

Love her to love yourself better.

Love her to heal your fears.

Love her excitement.

Love how she loves you.

Squeeze her tight and kiss her hard.

Love her so much. 

Oh please, just love her.

 

Love,

Anna Marie ❤

 

 

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Bruised Hearts

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Bruised hearts  belong to the brave and the willing.

The ones who open wide to pain and shake hands with fear.

The ones who love so fiercely we cannot help but savor every last drop of lust and love.

The ones who are abused and used…

Left to be broken and battered in ash filled memories that drift like haze into our lungs.

Bruised hearts beat stronger than the rest.

We know what it’s like to feel heartache with every beat per minute- counting to ten over and over again until the day is done and we can finally breathe in our sleep.

Bruised hearts do not lack self-worth.

We value our beauty and brains because we know exactly what we have to offer and what we deserve.

We aren’t afraid to walk away from anything less than a HELL YEAH and we will never settle for mediocre. 

We value the person we are and push against all odds to cling to our dreams.

Bruised hearts exceed exhaustion.

With sweaty palms and empty lungs- we pace ourselves in a life long race of self love and self empowerment.

We constantly remind ourselves how far we’ve come and the strength we’ve tirelessly built along the way.

Our bodies and our minds are a fortress that cannot be destroyed by those who try to manipulate and change us.

Bruised hearts are willing to do whatever it takes to be the person we know we can be.

A person who loves everyone so recklessly that smiles are ignited wherever we go.

A person who inspires those around us to lift others up instead of falling into jealousy’s arms.

Bruised hearts have been damaged and ripped to shreds.

We have ricocheted countless attacks and we are still sewing the pieces back together as we grow.

We will never stop growing.

Our lights will never be dimmed.

Bruised hearts will always glow.

 

❤ Anna Marie

 

Why are we so scared?

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Don’t lose your sense of adventure.

Open up to strangers and invite love into your heart.

Sit on the bus and ask how the person to your left is doing.

It’s not creepy, it’s how we used to meet people.

Stand in line at a coffee shop and tell that girl who dressed up that she looks lovely.

She won’t give you a weird look, she’ll smile.

Pick up a book and read your favorite quote to someone you want to connect with.

Your favorite words will tell them so much more than your Facebook account.

Smile with your eyes and dress up so you can say damn, I look GOOD.

Stop racing for a goal and breathe in the moment you’re living.

Why are we so scared to live in a world where no matter what, you’re going to get hurt?

It’s true isn’t it?

No matter how guarded you are, how careful you are, how safe you live your life- you’re bound to get hurt at some point down the road.

Tripping on the side walk.

Criticized by your boss.

Rejected by your crush.

Hurt is going to happen.

So why do we fear it so much?

It’s a huge part of us.

A part of living, growing stronger and pushing forward.

I’ve seen people cringe from pain so much that they’ve become immune to being alive.

They hide themselves in a shell so tough that they can’t even begin to understand how someone could open it.

And it only grows thicker.

The part of them that could really live gets hidden as they go through the motions- waiting for anything to break through that shell.

Well it’s not up to a force of nature.

It’s up to you.

It’s up to you to face your fear and live in a world where you embrace rejection and let it push you.

By the thousandth time, you’ll be a professional.

By the thousandth no, you’ll hear “there’s a different plan”.

Don’t be scared to live. 

Embrace the fear and do it anyways because we’re all a little insane to hope that just enough courage will earn us the happiness we all deserve.

Until next time,

Anna Marie

 

 

In Case of Emergency

In case of emergency, press pause. 

Smash your rose colored glasses and instead paint your lenses black so you can’t see the possibility of love. 

Keep your mouth glued shut and write STOP on your forearm.

It’s a reminder to knock yourself down before you can possibly begin to fight.

In case of emergency, run away as fast as you can.

Build a wall so high and thick that your own paranoia is the only thing that can make you feel fear. 

Erase “emotion” from your vocabulary and become selfish so you can detach yourself from literally anyone you find yourself enjoying. 

What is the point of opening up anyways? 

In case of emergency, don’t label a single thing. 

They’re not your play thing, your significant other, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your partner, your person that you’re kind of seeing. 

Labels mean you have to consider another person and God forbid this generation actually figures out their feelings. 

In case of emergency, never ever let yourself feel out of control and just end things before they are ended for you.

This is not okay but it’s the reality of how we date today.

Change the way we date. Take cowardice out of the equation.

Until tomorrow,

Anna Marie

 

 

This Is How You’re Going To Love Me

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This is how you’re going to love me.

You’re going to fall right in.

You’re going to realize immediately that I care really fast and all at once.

I’ve tried being the aloof, mysterious girl you’ll have to chase.

But I’m not.

You’re going to appreciate that.

You’re going to love that I never played games with you- that I never made your mind reel and question what I want.

You’re going to be scared by how open I am, it’s going to all feel like too much.

But you’ll know pretty quickly how rare it is to find someone as vulnerable yet strong as I am.

I’m going to ask you hard questions, push you to open up, say things that catch you off guard and lay it all out on the line.

You’ll be ready to handle that.

You will answer every question with thought and tell me stories until 3 am when our eyes are shutting against our will.

You will be strong enough to know what I’m offering and handle every piece of my heart with care.

You will know exactly what you’re giving to me and trust me not to give up on you.

You’re going to learn about me.

Why trust doesn’t come easy to me, what I’m scared of, what I’ve struggled through… it will make you understand why I became this version of myself.

You’re going to tell me how you’ve become the person you are.

We are going to want to know everything about each other.

We are going to ask questions.

You’re going to laugh as hard as I do about the silly things and fight for your beliefs and values.

You’re going to show kindness to everyone around you and unknowingly make me a better person.

Being around me is going to do the same.

We will empower each other, support each other and laugh with each other.

You’re going to get mad at me but you won’t leave, you’ll be the first person to stay.

Because differences will happen but we both will choose to work through them.

You’ll stay because you’ll choose to love me through the hardest parts of life and dance with me through the highlight reel of life.

You’ll become my best friend and my number one fan.

You’re going to love the simplicity of being together.

You will look at me with that “she’s the one I choose” look and it will give me butterflies.

You will find that I give too much, dream really big and love deeper than you’ve ever experienced.

You’re not going to hold back.

And the idea of love is not going to scare you after a while- maybe it will seem like a lot at first- but no, you’re going to see me standing before you and you’re going to know that if there is one place you will be for the rest of your life, it will be by my side.

I can’t wait to be by yours.

Until tomorrow,

Anna Marie

 

 

Are We There Yet?

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We all want to “find ourselves” or “create ourselves”. Well, are you there yet? 

Who I am is a bi-product of all of you.

Your compliments, your support, your insults.

Your presence has pushed me down, pushed me over, pushed me skyward.

Who I am is a reflection of how I chose to react to all of you.

Whether to fight with nasty words or bite my tongue, flip tables or sit at one calmly, let rage burn me down or fuel build me higher.

I am a direct correlation of responses to all of YOU.

To love fiercely as I have been loved, help a hand in need as I have been helped, pass on the kindness that has been given to me.

We can learn much easier and much quicker by following the examples of those around us… of you. 

You want to know what you created?

This is who I am.

I am fiercely passionate about people.

I care vastly and deeply, sometimes quite overwhelmingly so.

I laugh frequently and uninhibitedly, scaring the pain right out of my system.

I have become stronger than I can recognize through let down after let down and rejection slapping me in the face.

I’ve been brought down to me knees to realize that I can always stand back up.

My favorite feeling in the world is sunshine kissing my skin and the ocean sand squishing between my toes.

I long for adventure through mountain tops and exploring country after country. And I’ll do it, too.

I’m undeniably comfortable with the person I’ve become and overwhelmingly excited for the woman I intend to create.

Pride is hard work and deep breaths.

Humbleness is never forgetting the struggles you’ve chosen to fight through to get you where you are.

Ambition is recognizing the struggles you will have to face to accomplish the life you want so badly to live.

The life you are living right now.

Are we there yet?

Until next time,

Anna Marie

 

 

I’m Terrified to Talk About It

I’ve started so many posts today but I couldn’t finish a single one.

I have burned through topics and conversations and the only thing I want to write about terrifies me.

Because I’m writing about love.

And what is more terrifying than talking about love?

I had it. 

And they don’t tell you about the waiting.

They don’t tell you about what happens after experiencing love, an all-consuming kind of love, and having it slip through your hands.

Yes… wait.

Wait for time to forgive and accept that not all kinds of love conquers. But knowing that the right love will conquer all.

Wait for you to taste what you had before in a more explosive and delicate way.

We’re simply stuck waiting. 

The mode I’m in is a fragile patience.

It’s not a desperate need but more of a mutual understanding with my heart.

I’m in a patient stage of contentment with myself and where I am. I don’t feel the need to constantly be on the look out for love. I am not seeking a partner to have in the next 24 hours and while I miss kisses on my forehead and waking up in someone’s arms, it means a lot more when that someone is in love with you.

No, I’m okay with being patient.

For a girl who dreams of a certain kind of love… I know what I want. I know what I can offer and where I want to go and I want a partner who is the same way.

I’m waiting for someone who I don’t have to force myself to like. Someone I know who will fight for me because they see the value I have. Someone who isn’t into the games this generation likes to play.

I’ve realized how hard it is to let go of the kind of control I wish I had over love.

You can’t control love.

You can’t control how you feel, why you feel it, thoughts that consume you or how long it takes to fall completely head over heels or out of a broken dream.

But I can focus on anything and frankly, everything else, while that part of my life is stagnant.

Patience is my virtue as I continue to wait in this in-between of knowing what love is and looking forward to the day I can call it mine again.

Until tomorrow,

Anna Marie

You Don’t Have A Soulmate

My dreams resembled those we had when we were sixteen. To find true love and end up happily ever after. To be whisked away into the sunset in a romantic moment of bliss and passion.

Five years later, I don’t even believe in “the one” anymore. 

I think that this universe would be insanely cruel and vicious if they only placed one human being on this entire planet that is meant to be your “soulmate”. What if they die young? What if they make the mistake of marrying someone else? What if you never meet? Out of 7 billion people on this planet, I refuse to think that I only have one person out there who could make me truly happy.

Relationships are work. They take effort, appreciation, continuous motivation, sacrifice and an extreme amount of love. It takes zero effort to fall in love with someone which in my eyes can be substituted with pure infatuation. It takes time, commitment and patience to love someone after the the excitement fades.

You could meet the person that has absolutely everything on your checklist including the sparks between you (your perfect dream guy) but if they don’t want to work for your relationship then you’re not going to end up happy.

You can fall in love with several different people. That’s the easy part. The hard part is continuously falling in love with someone over and over again.

Love is somewhat terrifying. You are expected to grow with another person where all of a sudden you’re best friends, fiances, wives/husbands. People get scared. They take ten steps back because it’s easier to stop fighting for love than it is to completely surrender your entire self to another person.

You could meet “the one” but it could be horrible timing. Then what? You cry and wait 10 years before realizing they’re not the only one you may have out in the world for you?

CONCLUSION:

Maybe when people say soulmate, they mean they need to find the person that will fight for them just as much as they fight for you. Someone who will love just as the others began to but then their love will surpass any passion and warmth you’ve ever felt before because they will give themselves to you.

An exchange of hearts.

So, no, I don’t quite believe in soulmates but I do believe in waiting for one of the right “ones” to come along. Maybe wait isn’t the right word. I’m not sitting around on a park bench waiting for a grand gesture from some prince who locks eyes with mine and knows I’m his future wife.

Waiting means that I will not throw myself into the arms of someone until I know for certain they could be one of my many soulmates I have roaming around the world.

One of the many men I could spend a future with. 

That’s it. We don’t have one soulmate. We have several. Only a few special souls that would fight to the ends of the earth and give themselves to you in the way you need it most.

Until Next Time,

Anna Marie

Independence to Commitment

I consider myself a strong person. I have fought battles I wouldn’t wish on the crappiest people and overcome struggles someone my age shouldn’t have had to fight.

This has lead me to be quite independent. As soon as I turned 18, I have done everything in my power to be completely independent from my parents. I have supported myself through college on a budget I stick to. I have started traveling the world with money I have scraped together from working part-time jobs just above minimum wage.

So yes, I am a strong and independent woman who has grown and continues to spring from the earth below my feet. 

And I will always be that person.

The type of person I am can really attract all sorts of men into my life but I have noticed that when I am in a relationship, I get complimented for my strength and independence in my life.

But see, when I am in a relationship, this gets tricky. Independence… to commitment.

The independence and strength does not disappear by any means but I go through a process that is just a part of myself I cannot change.

I usually go through the stage of fear of letting myself fall for this person but once I trust them with my heart, I’m all in.

If I realize you are someone I could potentially see waking up next to for the next 60 years, I am yours. I am there for you when you need me, I am your best friend, I am your #1 supporter and I will give my all to you. I will give you all of my heart and every single cell in my body will love you. I will fight for you. I will give you what you need and work through anything.

This is where I feel like something goes wrong.

I get so committed to a relationship that the other party either gets freaked out by how committed I am or doesn’t know if they want what I want. It’s not like I don’t have these fears as well but I know they’re normal and that I can work through what they mean.

So if I see this lucky guy in my future, I am 100% ready to be in a fully committed place.

Isn’t that what you are supposed to do? Please, someone tell me if that’s wrong. But aren’t you SUPPOSED to, once you realize they are someone you could marry, commit to them fully and understand that it is a choice you are making to be with them? I don’t care if it’s scary or if you have questioned it. If that person makes you happy and you make them happy, isn’t that a good choice to say YES I like you, I want to work to be yours for a long time?

Because I’m starting to feel like there is something wrong with me when I KNOW I am perfectly unbroken. 

I feel like I give and love someone too much in a relationship. I’m not clingy by any means, I love my own time, but I go above and beyond sometimes to be what I feel a good girlfriend should be. I don’t lose myself, I don’t go overboard, I don’t mistreat my own needs… I just try and be the best I can possibly be.

I hate feeling like this is wrong… but I do. I feel like it’s wrong. Like committing that much of yourself is a bad trait now? Loving too much, giving too much… that’s just not what you’re supposed to do in this day in age is it? I don’t know.

In this day and age, commitment is not what it used to be. We date casually and have friends with benefits but it is so rare to see two people actually stick it out for the long run because they love each other and want to work through rough patches.

I’m mad about it. Why should I feel like I am doing something wrong when I swear this is what you should be doing in a relationship? I shouldn’t and it makes me angry. I shouldn’t feel like the one who screwed up but it just makes me feel even worse to know I literally did everything I was supposed to do and it STILL wasn’t right.

In all honesty, I will never stop committing to someone 100% in a relationship because the universe knows I damn well deserve someone who will do the same. Right? Right.

Let’s pause and say quickly, I know not every relationship is meant to be. However, a lot of relationships end when it gets too hard and that is from lack of commitment.

Being a strong, independent person when I’m single and then going to a place where I would do anything for someone sometimes makes me feel weak and much too dependent. The thing is, I don’t lose that strength and independence in a relationship, I just have to find the balance between co-dependence and reliability. Sometimes the balance is off kilter but in a relationship, you fight to find the balance.

We all deserve someone who reciprocates the love we give. It may not always be balanced exactly, but if you two choose to stick it out, you can figure out which makes each side a little too heavy to even out.

I’m independent and strong and shouldn’t feel week for giving 100% commitment to another person. 

Neither should you.

Until tomorrow,

Anna Marie